A gay policeman
by ISmile4BTR
Summary: James Diamond being a known actor is having the time of his life when he is playing the role of a gay policeman in a tv series. What he doesn't know is that Kendall Knight showing up in his life will not only turn him gay for real, but turn his life upside down...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: new story because I'm so lame that I can't find inspiration or time to continue the other stories but to start new ones lol **

**my good friend Steph (again!) started this haha long story.. what matters is here below.. enjoy :) review and thank Steph even if you don't know who she is :) **

**love love love love! haha**

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A** gay policeman - Chapter 1**

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The street was deserted at that time of the night mainly during the winter months, so while Kendall was walking home he wasn't only cold to the bone but also afraid of falling on the icy sidewalk and dying without anyone noticing it.

Having his father dead for almost two years now was still filling him up with bad thoughts. He kind of hated himself for not being home for the last days of his living. And though it had been haunting him for a while now, Kendall just recently started to understand how bad it had to be to leave life in complete loneliness.

Kendall certainly didn't want that to himself.

_But that is kind of what you deserve. _

The fact that his brain was still working enough to think somehow and move his legs, signaled that he wasn't about to just freeze yet. So now he was grateful for the thoughts, even for the negative ones.

Just like every day when he headed home from work, today too, Kendall thought about all kinds of things that had happened to him during his 24 years. Most of the time these thoughts were about work, school, girls, family.

His father had been a soldier, a real hero as he once had saved the lives of eight people at once. The proud and highly respected hero expected his son to be just as successful in life as he was. What Donald hadn't wanted to acknowledge was that Kendall had no intention of working for the government or be a lawyer or any of those fancy jobs that he was supposed to choose from.

At a very young age Kendall had already known that he wasn't going to follow his father's footsteps, but his family was not quite about to let him have his way. They had put him in to a sports academy in hope of making him fall in love with the strictly scheduled every days, hard work outs and with that kind of implying that he goes to the army or navy if he didn't at all want to study.

He made it through the sports academy and became stronger than he ever had believed he could, but not a little piece of him desired to do what his parents wanted him to.

At the age of eighteen and at the day of getting out of the academy he promised his father that if they weren't going to accept his decisions then he was going to leave and never come back. The good parents that they were, Jennifer and Don finally gave in and helped Kendall through university where he studied arts and acting. Though they told Kendall every day that acting was not any sorts of enough for a decent living.

The tension between Kendall and his parents had grown with each passing day, and Kendall arrived to a point in his life where he felt like pulling on the already tight string. One morning his parents found him in bed with another man and that was all that it took for them to give him the ultimatum.

Kendall was aware that he wouldn't have been able to just walk out on his parents, so he slept with a guy to make them kick him out. He knew that this was the stupidest way to escape. But he couldn't take the negativity coming from his parents anymore, he need out and the sooner the better.

This seemed to be the only way. His father was openly against any kind of gay relationship and Kendall knew this well.

So Kendall spent one year at one of his friend's. Not long after that he heard that his parents had divorced. And a little after the divorce the news about Don's death came too. When Kendall heard about his father passing away, he immediately moved back home and his mother welcomed him without a second thought. She was old and tired and lonely and admittedly still in love with her late husband, and she would have been stupid to send her only son away.

Ever since that day Kendall had been living with her, 11 months and 2 weeks.

But Kendall never found out why his parents had decided to split apart after over twenty-five years.

Though he had finished the university and had parts in less popular movies too, Kendall couldn't have the big break out yet. His full time job at a local restaurant had been giving him a little money, but obviously was not going to get him anywhere in his life unless he wanted to be a waiter or a second hand in a kitchen for the rest of his life.

At least he had learnt to cook. He was happy that this one advantage (besides the money) came with the job, so he could cook for his mother who was unfortunately nearing the end too. She wouldn't admit it but cancer was taking over her slowly, and since she refused to do the treatments she had even less in front of her.

Little was that Kendall could do, so he did his best. Jennifer never complained or even asked for a thing - she quietly welcomed every new day with the more pain and the less chance of living a lot of tomorrows.

_But she won't be alone. _

"Go, chase your dreams, son. With your father we were blind not letting you live a life you wanted. I've regretted it thousand times." She often said. But Kendall wouldn't leave her behind. Just as much as Kendall was afraid of dying alone, Jennifer was too, and Kendall was aware of it.

The warmth of the house hit Kendall in the face and made him realize that he finally arrived home. A sigh of relief escaped his mouth when the view of his mother watching TV in the living room opened to him. "Hello mom." Kissing her forehead, Kendall said and then lowered next to her on the couch. "No, you're watching this again?" He pointed at the screen where they were showing a lifeless body lying on the floor and several people stood towering above it.

"Yes, and it's just now starting so let me." Jennifer didn't take her eyes off the TV. She was obsessed with this new series, the kind of where they show how the police goes after murderers. The one thing unusual in it was the fact that the main character was gay. This was the reason of Kendall not understanding why his mother would watch something like this. But she kept watching anyways, and because Kendall was very tired he just didn't feel like soon getting up from that couch he began paying attention to what they said.

It was just like lots of the other criminal series, it was even watchable. But it still didn't fit with Jennifer's liking. That certain main character was a hot piece though, Kendall noticed it, but he strongly focused on not giving much thought to just what he would be able to do to his handsome brunette head and shapely ass.

"So will you ever tell me why are you even watching this?" Once when a commercial came up, Kendall asked his mom, and received a tired shrug. "Mom please. I just want to know how this happened, because it's crazy you and dad judged me for what I did but then you watch the gay policeman solving cases and having romances with certain co-workers."

"I just want to understand it." She whispered.

"Understand what?"

"I don't know. How men can love each other."

"But you can't learn that from a series like this. That dude being gay is just ... and add on to the plot, it's not even the main string."

Jennifer turned to look at her son. "You never told me anything about your relationships ever since that morning."

"You never asked." Kendall answered just as coldly as his mother spoke.

The way she looked at him told Kendall that she was sorry for all the things that had went down in their family. "You don't know a lot of things, son."

"Yeah, first of all I don't know how everything comes together with this series and you not understanding something and me not knowing a lot of things." Kendall stood up. "Whatever, mom. I'll go to sleep. I'm tired."

"All right. I love you." Jennifer smiled weakly, taking her son's hand in to hers.

Kendall leaned down and put a kiss onto his mom's cheek. "I love you too."

_She wants to understand. _Walking up to his room he wondered what Jennifer meant. _If she wants to understand gay love then it's the easiest thing ever. It's just like any other kind of love. There's nothing extra to it. _

Though he hadn't been with a man since that first time, Kendall knew love well. He had witnessed his best friends getting together and though himself he hadn't experienced it yet, he believed he knew what love was.

Forgetting whatever secrets his mother must have hiding, Kendall stepped in to the steaming shower.

For now a love wasn't needed for him. The thought of the hot gay policeman who was nothing real, was more than enough. While Kendall took a shower, in his mind he kept seeing those pictures about the hot nameless policeman as he took good care of his aching cock that hadn't seen another man in two years.

And damn, that was a good thing to imagine.

Maybe tomorrow Kendall was going to watch him on TV again, just to have a good time in the shower one more time.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: sorry it took long and sorry if it doesn't make sense. lol**

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**Chapter 2**

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Being late night people were rather going home than sitting in a restaurant and so Kendall was pretty bored in the kitchen. There were no orders, everything was prepared for tomorrow, so he was alone with the chef who preferred to watch television than talk to him.

Rubbing his eyes Kendall decided to change, his shift would be over in a half hour anyways. He said good bye to the chef who never really paid attention to him, then walked out.

The first thing that caught James Diamond's eyes when he walked in on the door of this restaurant that he had never visited before, were dirty blonde hair flipped from one side to another, and a sexy hand moving the strings to the right places. When the hand finally got out of picture, James could see his green eyes. And those eyes captured his soul like lately nothing did.

Ever since he had been playing a gay policeman in a television series, James looked at guys differently. Some of them he found too hot to be living, and this one blonde was actually smoking hot. It wasn't like he would turn gay for any sexy piece of male, but he liked looking at them. That won't turn him gay, right?

Inhaling, James managed a smile, which the blonde tried to return, but instead of that there was some sort of weird giggle in his expression. "What was that?" Not at all fearing to talk his mind, James asked the giggly piece of sexiness on two legs.

Shaking his head the blonde was about to pass by James, but of course James wasn't one to let it go like that. "Come on blondie. What are you grinning about? Is it something on my face? Doesn't my hair look okay? What?"

"Nothing, really." Was the answer, and a strong pull that separated the two. "My mother is a big fan of your new series. That's all."

"Oh." James felt relieved. He didn't really like it when others stared or looked at him differently since this new series. "Okay. Tell your mother thank you. It means a lot she likes the series."

"Of course." The man hesitated for a short second, and James seeing that decided to wait yet in case he wanted to say something else. "Do you think you'll come back here anytime soon?"

"Sure." James didn't once eat two times at the same place, but for this guy he'd do it.

"I'm Kendall." That sexy hand extended towards James. They touched and though there were no sparks of the "love at first sight" kind, but there was this nice warmth coming from Kendall's skin. And James liked it. He all of a sudden started to wonder what Kendall's warmth would feel like on other parts of his body.

Feeling the need to swallow, James chuckled. _Getting a boner in public. Score, loser! _James focused on what Kendall said, hoping it was going ease his _problem. _

"If I had my mother coming here, would you please meet her? You know, it's kind of silly I know, you probably don't do this kind of stuff. We could do it this time around when nobody is in here, if you don't want to be seen. It would mean a lot to her."

Nobody had ever asked something like that from James. But certainly that wasn't going to stop him from doing it. The sincerity that James could sense in Kendall for his mom was the nicest thing he had experienced in a long time. _A man who loves his mother is precious. _

"I could just go to your place." _Where did that come from? _Surely for James it didn't feel like he actually was the one speaking those words. It had been a while that James went to anyone's place. It had been an old habit when he'd hook up with a different girl almost every night and to save the privacy of his home he only would meet them at their places. Those times were gone, but habits seem to stay.

Kendall shifted from one leg to another while his sexy hand went to the back of his neck. _Everything he does looks so fucking good. _"Uhm, I didn't expect that, but okay."

"When would it be best for you?"

"I don't know. Tomorrow?"

James smiled. "Great. I'm free this whole week."

"Awesome." Kendall returned the smile and held his hand out again. James was more than happy to shake it again. "Take a seat and I'll quickly write down my address."

The slight grin on Kendall's face never dissappeared but James didn't bother to ask about it again. "Okay." He moved to one of the tables and waited patiently. While Kendall was away a waitress showed up but James waved her off saying he wasn't sure just what he wanted to have yet. "Would you eat with me?" When Kendall came to his table James couldn't help but ask him. Most days and nights he was alone and when there was the opportunity, James just wanted to grab it and get to know new people, in hope of finding a good friend, or something else.

"I wanted to go home .. uhm this sounds lame again but my mother is expecting me soon and I don't want to worry her." He slid the piece of paper with his address on it to James. "But I could stay for a few minutes if you want me to."

"That would be awesome." So then Kendall seated himself opposite James. "So is the food some good here?"

"Oh it is." Kendall laughed a little and friendly smiled at the waitress who came to the table again. "I actually work here. Hi, Liz. Late night-ing?"

"I am." The pretty brunette nodded. "You join to the gentleman?"

"Seems like that."

Their little chat didn't disturb James, but the way _Liz_ looked at Kendall did. The girl had a major crush on Kendall, but James could understand that. Kendall was attractive and apparently kind of a person, and James definitely looked forward to knowing him a little more.

James ordered, but Kendall insisted on not eating at such late hour. "So you work here. What is it like?"

"Boring." Kendall answered without hesitation. "It's not the kind of boring when you don't have things to do, you know." He started to explain. "It's more that it is always the same. I love the cooking part but I get little of that. I'm not a chef, just a helping hand. Sometimes I come out here and serve the food, sometimes I prepare it in the kitchen. Your job is surely more exciting."

"You'd be surprised. As exciting it is, it can be boring too at times. I'm constantly being mistaken for the character I'm playing and it's starting to be annoying. I love this role because it's something different, something I've never done, but it doesn't mean I want to be him. I'm me, and some people forget that. On the bright side it's really interesting, indeed."

"I see." The upcoming waitress disturbed them again, this time she had James' food with her. But she didn't speak now, just put the plate in front of James and left. "Do you want a drink?" Kendall had to ask the question that Liz kind of had forgotten about.

"No, not really." Shaking his head, James began cutting the meat. "The girl is interested in you."

Glancing towards Liz, Kendall shook his head, "I'm not in her."

"You taken?" Between two chews of food, James wanted to know, and quickly received another shake of Kendall's head signaling "no". It caused a little silence joining them.

He wasn't taken. No. He had forgotten what being taken meant a long time ago. A few relationships had come and go, but Kendall couldn't find anything interesting in them. Nobody could move his soul enough. After a while he had gotten bored and finally Kendall decided it was time to focus on other things. A relationship was the last thing on his mind now.

"Are you here?" James finished his meal and Kendall blankly blinked.

"Oh yeah. Sorry about that." He often zoned out on people. "Did you say something?"

"No, no." Laughing a little James waved to Liz who waltzed to the table in an instant so James could pay. "Just wondered what's going on in your head." Once Liz was dismissed and they were getting up, James explained.

"I just imagined how happy my mom will be to meet you."

"That's .. nice." James was certain that Kendall lied, but he didn't push him anyways. "Aren't you happy to meet me?"

Kendall widened his eyes. "It is." He chuckled. "I'm not a real fan of your series ... or i barely know a thing about you at all.. so. It's awkward." He let out a little laugh while pushing the door open for James.

"That's okay. When all the fucking time people start freaking out in your presence is disturbing after a while."

"I don't know about that." Sighing Kendall headed down the street, and James was following him. "I once wanted to become an actor myself. Went to university and all, but now I'm not sure anymore."

"And why?" James didn't bother telling Kendall that he had parked his car the opposite way. He enjoyed the walk.

A lazy shrug came as an answer, but after a little pause Kendall gave voice to his thoughts. "My mom is very sick. I have nobody but her. Things like becoming what I've dreamed of doesn't really matter anymore. I'm who I am, it won't change. But my mother ... she'll leave me one day and from then everything will be pointless anyways."

"You say that, but you never know what it would be like until you try. I bet she'd be proud of you."

"Yeah sure." Kendall sighed heavily. "But I'm sure as hell I wouldn't be. My father wanted a different future for me. He hated the person I am and I think I kind of hate myself too. Things would have gone better if I just had gone with his plans."

"Look, I don't know you that much, or I don't know how your father could hate you, but you don't hate yourself for who you are. You gotta love yourself, embrace everything that makes you you, because in the end that's going to be all that you've got. Hating yourself will lead you to destroy everything around you. Rather than destroying, you should be building. Yeah, it's pretty hard, but you can make it."

They stopped walking. Kendall briefly smiled at James. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." James nodded. "I should run though, because I'm having a meeting in the morning."

"You said you were free the whole week."

"Yeah, I did, but I lied." An embarrassed expression dominated James' face. "But I can always squeeze a little time for my fans." He patted Kendall's shoulder. "See you tomorrow, around eight?"

"Perfect."

"Bye then. Sending my greetings to your mother." He was already backing from Kendall but he spoke anyways. "And please don't hate yourself. Things will be fine. It takes a little time."

Nodding was all that Kendall could do as he watched James Diamond fast walking to his car. He shook his head and laughed. He kind of couldn't believe that he just met James Diamond and had arranged another meeting too.

Maybe James was right. Things should be fine. They just take a little while.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: hi. I don't know what to say. maybe thanks for the kind words. hope you will like this chapter. i can't do better at the moment.. sorry**

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**Chapter 3**

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The very moment he entered his apartment James saddened as the realization of the empty home hit him. By now he'd had everything he needed to lead a decent life. His career couldn't have been in a better track. But he'd been living the life of a monk for more than a half year now, and it had started to bother him. It wasn't that long of a time for other people, but it was for James.

Offers from everywhere of course had been coming, but he'd pretty much turned everyone down. The confusion that came with discovering his real desires hadn't let him get near to anyone. His whole life he'd thought he loved women. And as much as he loved them he hated them too. All they were was trouble. One would date him for money, fame, sex or any thing you can imagine but for finding true love. That was the thing he really wanted all his life, and somehow this one was the only one that he couldn't yet get.

He had been filming _Behind the uniform _for eight months and at the beginning the thought of trying to find love with a man had kind of turned in his mind, a few times, or a couple of more times.

But after all he had come to the conclusion that men were just as big of fuckers as women.

They could be even worse at times.

Reasons of James refusing to have a relationship with anyone were way beyond the confusion of _might being gay. _

It had been hard for him to get close to a person because he feared history would repeat itself.

Sitting on the couch and looking through the mail James gladly noted that there weren't messages from a certain person anymore.

_Maybe moving for the fourteenth time will help. _

James had heard many stories of celebrities being stalked but he hadn't known how much trouble it could cause until he had faced it himself. A girl from a past relationship had kept coming after him for more than a year. He'd just started filming _Behind the uniform _when the cops finally took her down.

However she was sent to jail for all the damage she had done, James' old way of thinking about relationships had never come back. He just couldn't get there again. Little was what it meant that she was out of the way. The wounds remain. They always do.

The problem with men originated from trying to move on from _her_, but after all he'd been cheated on and left.

Sometimes James didn't quite understand why he had taken the offer for his current series. It seemed obvious for him that relationships weren't made for him, be it either with a woman or a man. But in that series it wasn't James Diamond. It was a complete different person and that felt good. He felt alive when filming, he felt alive in his character's body, in his mind. He loved the person that he was. Sometimes he had even wished he could be him. That man was capable of love, and did all sorts of good things to the world that he could as a cop.

He wondered if he would ever be to do that. To do something that meant something special for people.

That reminded him of his meeting with Kendall.

The gorgeous blonde captivated his mind within a minute. That man was made to be loved and adored. But James didn't want to go there. He needed friends. He needed to learn to trust again, to discover the beauty of a different kind of relationship, one that wasn't based on romance, but faith and trust and honesty.

What Kendall wanted he didn't know, he couldn't. He didn't even care. He only remembered the way he talked about his mother, Jennifer. The poor woman as Kendall said, literally adored his series, his character, it meant a lot to her. From Kendall's words James learned that he didn't really understand what it meant to his mother, but he was certain that it made her feel something, got her thinking.

It was a good start. James was very curious about meeting Kendall's mom, and Kendall.

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James Diamond was a whole different person in live. Kendall had gotten to know that and he was glad that he had woken up that morning so he had been able to know him a little. Because he figured their knowing each other wouldn't go further than a little. James would come to his mother, talk to her and all, but that would be it.

_Maybe it will be better that way. I don't need a freaking hot celebrity turning my life upside down with his exlusive needs and_ _shit. _

Kendall was too sure that he could easily love James. But he didn't want to go there at all. He thought he probably wasn't even going to have a chance to go there.

But as the next day came and after getting out of work he headed home Kendall was surprised to find James waiting for him outside the restaurant. "Hi there." The brunette said pushing his hair back with his palm standing steadily against that expensive looking car of his.

Holding himself together was one thing for Kendall to do, the other could have been replying. But he sort of got stuck on words. "Well, if you're mute today, that's fine for me. You have a sassy mouth."

"Oh of course it's got to be you saying that." Kendall snapped looking towards the direction of where he had been about to start walking.

"Now I don't know why you'd say that, but hey I'm here to pick you up. Thought it would be great if we surprised your mom like this." Opening the door to the passanger's seat, James thew the million dollar smile at Kendall.

"Yeah sure." If somebody had asked Kendall why on earth he acted like that for, he wouldn't have been able to answer. Perhaps it was just the shock of things not at all going the way he had expected. If James was willing to drive him around town that must have meant something, right? Kendall wasn't sure, and he hated not being sure. He so nicely had imagined this nice James not wanting to be all friendly with him. And then here he was fucking inviting him for a ride to his house. _Stop thinking you idiot. Go with the chance. _

So there it began.

Or didn't it? For several minutes Kendall and James didn't speak to each other. James focused on driving while Kendall was deep in thoughts about how happy his mother was going to be. "How was your day?" Suddenly James' question was the knife to cut the awkward silence.

"The usual. Yours?" There was a second when their eyes met but other than that Kendall didn't allow the too long contact. He rather stared at James' fine looking hands gripping the wheel.

A lazy shrug was James' answer followed by very few words. "Nothing too interesting." The small talk indeed seemed to be small now.

Embarrassing wasn't enough of a word to describe how both men felt. "Kendall, did I do something wrong?"

"Not at all." Kendall smiled. The last thing he wanted to do was upsetting James and causing him to change his mind about meeting Jennifer. "I'm just tired. And surprised that you came for me. I thought we'd make this meeting as quick as possible. Like yesterday."

"Yesterday was ... troubled for me." James whispered. "I really didn't mean to give you that impression of me wanting this to be short."

"What happened yesterday?" Curiosity was Kendall's good friend.

"You really want to know?" James turned to him and raised his eyebrow as he caught Kendall searching his face. Kendall signaled with a nod of his head that he wanted to know. "We shot a couple of scenes where we are having a case of a stalker. Those kinds of things freak me out to this day. I wanted to sleep it out, so I kind of escaped as fast as I could."

"That's ... weird. I mean, if I were you, and if I were straight I'd already freak out from the thought of having to play a gay dude."

"I don't have a problem with the gay thing, Kendall." As he looked at James and discovered a sad expression on his face, Kendall realized how little he had known about him yet. "The stalker thing is something from my past."

Turning away Kendall tried to look anywhere but at James. "I didn't mean to offend you, James. I'm sorry."

"That's okay. You didn't know." James took a deep breath and then went on. "So I take it you don't have a problem with the gay thing either."

"No I don't." Kendall laughged. "You heard me, I said it."

"Yes, you did. You assumed I was straight." That got Kendall's eyes to fly to James' direction again.

"Aren't you?" His jaw was on the floor but he tried to pick it up sooner or later.

"I may be, I may be not." James shrugged again. "It doesn't really matter, does it?"

Shaking his head somehow Kendall managed to hold himself. There hadn't been a reason for Kendall to believe that James was straight, but still he assumed he was. James' admission surprised him a lot, but he tried his best of acting cool.

"I see it surprises you." Obviously Kendall's attempt failed.

"Just a little." Lying Kendall grinned unable to take his eyes off of James' profile. They were getting near to his house. "So you accepted that role because you were curious?"

"I don't know." The way his hands gripped around the wheel Kendall got the impression that James certainly knew. "I wanted to try something new, I guess. It's interesting. Makes look at things differently. I have even had a relationship with a man, but it didn't turn out well. I'm having a hard time trusting people after all. I'm confused. I don't know whether it would be good with a woman or a man, anyone. I think this is what I deserve. I used to do a lot of shit myself."

It was apparent that James felt uncomfortable talking about his past, so Kendall decided to listen to whatever he had to say and then he'd take the lead. "I've only had one affair with a man." He said after a while of silence that signaled that James was finished. "It's been a while ago. Before that I hadn't known that I liked guys. That one night with one of my friends was all I needed to see that it was a good thing. It was just sex and I was amateur as fuck, I still am, but it was great. I've never looked at a woman like I needed her. I see they are beautiful and all and I'm sure they could love me and I could love them, but I still want to find that with a guy instead."

"How do you know that if that dude was the only one?"

"I don't know. I just feel like that."

James nodded. He didn't understand it. He prayed that one day he would. Stopping the car he glanced at Kendall who'd been looking down again since he'd started his story. "We're here. Let's surprise your mom."

Surprise. Kendall was happy for his mom, but now he was afraid of what just James was going to think about him. It didn't matter after all, did it? They likely never meet again.


End file.
